And Now, the Complete Guide on How to Buy an Engagement Ring (With Zero Stress)

To say I'm type A would be the understatement of the century. I'm a triple earth sign with a Virgo moon, I have three color-coordinated agendas, and I send my friends calendar invites when we're meeting for a 30-minute coffee—weeks in advance, of course. While there are millions of details I can plan out in my life, there's one detail I couldn't fully control that's been taking over all of my brain space the last few months: how to buy an engagement ring. Six months, seven boutiques, and three Microsoft Excel spreadsheets later, I've survived the process (and even had fun while doing it!).

If figuring out how to buy an engagement ring sounds incredibly stressful, don't worry; you've come to the right place. I was in your shoes just a few months ago. In theory, engagement ring shopping is as simple as going into a shop and pointing at a big, shiny rock, but in my mind, I had to logistically control every step of the process without my fiancé-to-be feeling like I was stepping on his toes. I promise you it wasn’t nearly as stressful as it could have been.

Don't believe me? Below, read my complete, foolproof guide on how to buy an engagement ring with zero stress—or as little stress as possible.

Get Off of TikTok (Yes, Seriously) and Figure Out Your Personal Style

When buying an engagement ring, the first step is to define your personal style. The process can feel daunting, especially when considering a piece that will symbolize your love and be worn for a lifetime.

The first step in buying an engagement ring is to define your personal style, advises Brooklyn-based bridal designer Steph Mazuera. After launching her business during the COVID-19 lockdown, Mazuera has become known for creating timeless, heirloom-quality pieces with a focus on ethical and sustainable production. Mazuera is one of the fresh, exciting voices within the bridal space in an age when Gen Z is looking at getting hitched and values responsibility and aesthetics over all else. Her TikTok is a fun bonus—and, admittedly, how we connected.

Rather than chasing fleeting trends or opting for a conservative, uninspired design, choose a cut, diamond color, or silhouette that resonates with you personally. Mazuera recommends starting with resources like Pinterest to explore designs that align with your authentic personal style but advises against overwhelming yourself with too many options. Instead, trust your instincts and go with what feels right.

"There's a lot of weirdness around people feeling like certain diamond shapes are 'out' or too trendy or too tied to a celebrity," Mazuera says. She has a point—in 10 years, no one's going to look at your engagement ring and think, Is that a Hailey Bieber oval? "When we talk about choosing your diamond, it's so important to just go with your gut. It helps not to listen to the online chatter and instead find something you're going to love because no one else is gonna wear it."

Throw away your phone, for lack of better words.

"Vibe Check" Your Jeweler

When I first started shopping for an engagement ring, I was intimidated by the overwhelming world of diamonds and precious metals. It can feel like a maze of information, but working with the right jeweler can completely transform the experience. One of the key steps is meeting with a jeweler, ideally in person or over Zoom, to collaborate on your vision. I initially consulted several jewelers, including those from luxury design houses, but none seemed to align with my personal style. I knew I wanted something eclectic and out-of-the-box, so I sought out skilled, thoughtful craftspeople who could truly understand and bring my vision to life.

Enter Mazuera, who guided my partner and I through hours of educational lessons, hand-drawn sketches, and behind-the-scenes videos of making my dream ring come to life. "I feel like I serve as sort of a market of people who want something that is very unique to them and something that doesn't feel like everyone else has it," Mazuera explained, nodding to her clientele—often young, hip, and sartorially inclined.

As a result, Mazuera works hand in hand with her bespoke clients in-person over the course of several months. Most of them, she admits, become IRL friends and long-term, repeat customers—a testament to the growing market for personalized, bespoke pieces Mazuera specializes in.

"I feel like we're all very tired of direct-to-consumer, venture-capital-backed corporations where pick your diamond from a spinning image, add a setting, and add it to your cart," she admits. "For other things, it's a great way to buy jewelry, but your engagement ring is something that you really want to sit down and talk to someone about."

Your jeweler making your engagement ring should be someone who is not only knowledgable but also takes the time to know you and your spouse-to-be's love story, Mazuera adds. "The best feeling ever is when I knock it out of the park and I know that I made something that speaks to that person's individual taste."

Do Your Research

Once you chose your jeweler, the best thing to do is to dive into the research process. For most people, their jeweler will encourage them to sit down and go through the crafted makeup of an engagement ring. Technical details like buying a lab-created or Earth-mined diamond, shank and basket details, CAD—or computer aided design—molds, and whether or not you want a hand-fabricated ring are all topics you should keep top of mind. Prepare to come with questions and answers about crucial topics like budgets and timeline so your jeweler can adequately provide reasonable expectation.

After an initial consultation, jewelers may require a small fee to begin sourcing diamonds based on your preferences or rough sketches. It’s helpful to have a clear idea of the stone cut and size you want so your jeweler can present options in person. Mazuera works first by having a client narrow down their diamond selections and then sketches a complete ring designed around a stone's characteristics. "At the end of the day, I always tell people to pick the stone that you put on your hand and love immediately," she says. Mazuera prefers not to discuss the four Cs until after clients have selected their favorites, emphasizing that the first impression of a diamond’s character should guide the choice, rather than its perceived value.

Once an ideal stone, shank, and basket are in place, jewelers typically design a lifelike 3D rendering—a CAD—which can then be printed and cast in wax or silver for Mazuera and a couple to see in the flesh.

You can also go the hand-fabricated route, Mazuera says, especially if you're looking at a larger stone. In short, hand fabrication is the "traditional" way of creating bespoke pieces where a jeweler will heat up raw material and work it into a desired shape via forging. It's a technique Mazuera often blends into her work, hand-fabricating prongs or baskets to ensure increased durability for stones over four carats or diamonds on thin bands.

Determine How Involved You Want to Be in the Process

Nowadays, it's more common than not for people who are receiving an engagement ring to be involved in the process. Whether it's seeing the full design, from stone selection to delivery, or stepping out somewhere in the middle, it's important to determine how surprised you want to be when seeing your engagement ring.

If you're hoping to maintain a slight element of secrecy, Mazuera encourages the person who is receiving the ring to step out of the process prior to seeing a detailed sketch or 3D rendering of the ring. (That's what I did!) There's no set time to step away, though—Mazuera says there's some couples who work with her throughout the entire process, and it doesn't take away from the proposal or the ring at all.

If you want to completely be surprised, Mazuera suggests sending your person to one of your favorite jewelers with a few guidelines like stone shape or metal type. "If there's a designer that you think every single piece is amazing, and you'd be happy to own any piece from this designer, that's a great way to be 100% floored," she says. "If you feel that strongly about their work, you're probably going to be fine with whatever comes out of the end process."

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